(This short story will surely explain the meaning of the name of my blog "Philosophy of a guilty conscience" the whole story was taking time so i am posting the part which is ready.)
Dec 1, 2017 It was her daughter’s 18th birthday and while slapping her daughter, the ”philosophies of her guilty conscience “ were at their brilliant display .Even after her daughter disappeared behind the curtains of the room, she was standing there silent in absence of any thoughts , emotions or sensations, a numbness persisted in her mind and body, being a single mom must have made her this strong.
With a numb thoughtless mind she made herself move to a secluded place, which she called her room. Where there was no one to judge her except she herself. Sitting by the side of the bed, she saw her dirty reflection on the mirror embedded on her dressing table . Even though her sagging skin and recently appered wrinkles maintained her in the present, the events of the day were dragging her forcefully to her haunted past. For almost last two decades she avoided engaging in those memories, then why now?, but like a pus filled blister has to burst someday exposing the dirt that was rotting in it for days, today she wasn’t able to control the bursting thoughts of hers exposing her ugly past, Earlier her conscious mind made decision for her but today it lie dormant .
Multiple loud whispers were echoing from every corner of the room “Murderer, you killer, you slut”… ohhh she felt like, her ears were bleeding. She blocked her ears by pressing her fist against them, as hard as she could and in a second, again the dominance of a deaf silence wrapped her existence.
Her lump body fell on bed, like the life force has been sucked out of it. The blank eyes, while meditating on the centre of the rotating fan, projected the flashes of her past. The grand 18th birthday, the lights, the guest, the cold warm ambience. “No stop!!” , Her conscious mind resisted, but the part of her brain that posses the power of decision making, seems to be paralyzed.
Dec 1, 1998, 10 pm to be exact she completed 18 years of her life in this world. Possibly the happiest person on earth, a single child of most loving parents, who cared for her like, she were a delicate china. Huge enormous wealth that her father had gathered over time, to let her enjoy every possible worldly pleasure. A boyfriend, that she was soon planning to get married and she felt that the day was most appropriate to make that announcement. Eagerly, waiting for him she was becoming a little bit impatient as he never showed up till now, as planned was 9pm.she felt exhausted after trying his non responsive mobile, thousands of times in last one hour.
After hearing a screeching Sound of a car stopping in front of the villa, she ran to the terrace expecting ritesh and what she noticed was a news channel’s caravan. She looked as her father getting depressed while having a conversation with those coming out of the van and in matter of 4 to 5 minutes many of them were there. She saw her father panicking. On stairs, while running down to the gate she heard the sirens, “police but why”, she thought. Reaching the gate a crazy frenzy knocked her down. Flashes, literally thousands of them made her blind for a moment , the father pushed her behind himself , many policemen were man handling the reporters ………nikita where do you study? , were you there when…. ?, is it true that you are involved….. ?? She couldn’t make, any sense out of those questions, all she knew was that maybe it’s a dream, a bad dream.
Police controlling the situation hastily took the family inside the house and then what she heard, actually saw, was something made her melt in her own shadow, her throat choked, she felt molten glass is being poured into her delicate ears, the air was absent from her breath, , a watery layer developed on the surface of her eyes blurring her perfect vision, her feet trembled like weak bamboo and for once she thought maybe it’s better if she were just a body, a dead body……………………………….