Tuesday, 22 November 2011
Pleasure of Being Alone...2...
The little place to sit, by the side of the window on my 16th floor apartment made my otherwise strong knees weak, I sat there on the more than comfortable cushioned floor, with a deep sigh, my legs stretched and my back supported by the wall behind.
From there the far spread contours of this crazy city were visible, the city of which I was part of, till now, the playground, the so called karma bhoomi.It felt quite scary that how well I was dissolved in that hustle bustle the whole day but now I was in my protective shell, no more pretensions no more struggles, no more Honda going for Mercedes.The city was partially lit by the natural red brown black brightness of the sinking sun and partially by the artificial bright lights coming out of some manmade bulbs.
My mesmerization was broken by my talented nose which sensed the alluring smell of ginger and cinnanoman escaping out of the cup of green tea I just prepared. The light music of a Mozart flowing effortlessly into my ears …..ooohhh god it feels good…. the sky is still dusky, the room is still purple but my mood was now changing its color to nothing …..Nothing??…hmmm yep nothing… no positive no negative, no right no wrong, no acceptable or unacceptable……no judgments about others or as a matter of fact about myself .Finally my body and soul were aware of each other’s existence.
The silent vacuum created when the piece of music came to its end, was without any delays replaced by the sounds of my life, the innocent giggles of me and my cousins while we played whole day long, when we used to visit my maternal grandfather’s house in summer holidays, located in a city called roorkee in state of uttarakhand. Running around, hiding behind the curtains, chirping of birds in the evening…..as the hue of the sky changed to what we called grey it turned itself into the cinema screen and there I could clearly see the huge mango tree I was climbing upon, the unripe green mangoes which still used to be having incredible taste , the nest of a sparrow, just one glimpse of those eggs laid there……and the sheer feeling of joy that filled our hearts and souls.
The memories were so strong somewhere in my subconscious that the vivid details can be viewed on the screen even though I didn’t remember them anymore .
With a deep breath the sounds and visuals vanished , what remained with me was the slight feeling of joy that I once felt…….as sip of streaming hot tea entered my throat and took the pathway to my stomach in-between burning and at the same time relaxing my tense veins. The heartbeat went slower and breath became deeper.
And after having a glimpse of that eternal feeling of joy that once i felt in real, the so called goals and ambitions mattered least to me. I was in the much deeper world where I was no man or woman, where I posses no consciousness And when you have absolutely nothing in your mind except a feeling of a subtle happiness coming from an unknown source it’s called nirvana or moksha, the realm of silence, the pleasure of being alone.
Posted by A guilty conscience at 21:35